SMOkin Hott. pHzzz OUchh

The Pretender

Greyscale JKST

Forewarned is forearmed

Am i free or what?

My finals are just round the corner there is only 1 month left to go, and im still here doing irrelavant things. whatever it is... this is just another piece of my crap drawing.. hhehehe. The "Rambo" version.....

Its in our nature to be LAzy

Arts

Death OF my MUG

CLick on the picture to read my JOurnal...... lazy to retype it again....so here it is..
my nigga MUg died.....REst in Pieces My old Friend.

Counterfactual thinking

I laid my eyes on you ,
if only i could just say the right things,
if only there is more time for us,
if only i was there to hold her,

She walked into my heart with a smile,
She took my hands around her arms,
I'd travel a thousand miles back for her,
when she smile, my heart melts.

If only
If only
If only
If only

If only i never left.... she'll never leave me.
If only i knew what would happen to me.
If only i knew things would turn out this way
there will never be another IF.

NOw or Never

"My story stops here, lets be clear
This scenario is happening everywhere
And you ain't going to nirvana or farvana
You're coming right back here to live out your karma
With even more drama than previously, seriously
Just how many centuries have we been
waiting for someone else to make us free
And we refuse to see
That people overseas suffer just like we
Bad leadership and ego's unfettered and free
Who feed one the people they're supposed to lead
I don't need good people to pray and wait
For the lord to make it all straight
There's only now, do it right." (Faithless-Mass Destruction)

take action now or never..... nothing is going to happend if you dont DO IT NOW!
JUST DO IT........ but do what??
What do i want? the question that i've been asking myself........
Everything is a lie................

what i need i havent got it......it needs to be earned. I've always taken things for granted..... and that kind of attitude makes you feel like shit in the end.

all of us are motivated by emotions.... we are not machine that works totally on logic.
i need attention?i need to be wanted.... dont we all??

Life is a pile of shit, when your in a shit hole.... Every where is the same.
"Grass is always greener on the otherside" this notion that is embeded in our subconcious mind are always making people wonder why. People change we change, things change..... for things to change for the better is always better to change oneself.....
Evaluating/asses our own actions, behaviour and attitude towards the ideal person you want to be.
FOr me? Im not an individual, im like most people... Mentally Weak, emotionally driven person.
i try to be what i am not, try to be what i want to be, try to be like what i am susposed to be, try to be everything i need to be. the harder you try the harder you fall....... when your real self isnt your ideal self = depression kicks in. real self =/ oughtself = anxiety.

we're always trying to gain the balance....... never go too far. 69 is the my symbol of balance. *grin*

Care to dance?

Good evening ladies..........
care to dance??

Okay basically, i dont dance......maybe a lil bhangra that jasmine taught me (not true) hahahaha
i suddenly looked like the guy from 'American Psycho' Patrick bateman- "im on the verge of frenzy".

Jasmine's bakery!!

The freshest bread, cakes and scones that you'll get!! It opens everyday including Sundays!!WHoah! hahaha!!

Spend spend spend

i spend too much yesterday, i think?? went down to city to get my hair sort out, coz it looks like the Amazon forest already. talking about going to get a hair cut gives me the shivers, its like im allergic to hair cuts. i only go when there is a real need for it, if i keep another week i'm gonna have a combination of afro hair stlye and those long haired criminals during the Tang dynasty. haha NZD 12 bucks isnt that bad at all, quite cheap for a professional hairstylist. After that, i went to Flash Net to kill my time while waiting for my cousin to get his Hair done. $4.90 for that!! Burgerking for lunch and the "Tall stack"(Gigantic burger) cost me $8.95. Window shop till 4pm, we then hit down to starbucks and my flatwhite cost me around $3.95!! Great.. there goes my money!! arghhh..... hehe, im kinda tight these days, i've not pay the bills yet for the internet and phone bills. thats life, BIlls BIlls bills to settle......... everything is about money.

friends 

Remix mags.... 

wish you were here, to pose with me! hahaha

westfield riccarton mall!! its only 5.45pm and its already deserted!!

went to a book shop just across the street with no intention to spend a single cent, but eventually i got myself a "REMIX" magazine!! its an interesting mag, its thick full of sexy girls and funny articles.... 15 bucks with 2 free cds and a double pass movie tix to house of the wax! haha

gimme gimme love

damn..... i missed jasmine so so much, even words couldnt describe how much i missed her!!! jasmine gimme gimme love now; im dying here without you. save me..... only you can.

A ciggy a day, takes your life away.....

smoke, when you think your life is shit. It takes your sorrow away for 5mins and 15mins of your life.
A ciggy aday is sure you take your life someday!!!!! dying isnt easy for a smoker, since every smoke is harmful, you might get cancer of somesort and die a slow suffering death. euthanasia isnt legal in malaysia, unlike certain countries so, QUIT SMOKING!!!

why am i writing all this bullshit anyway???

Benefits of quitting!

Compared to smokers, your…

Stroke risk is reduced to that of a person who never smoked after 5 to 15 years of not smoking

Cancers of the mouth, throat, and esophagus risks are halved 5 years after quitting

Cancer of the larynx risk is reduced after quitting

Coronary heart disease risk is cut by half 1 year after quitting and is nearly the same as someone who never smoked 15 years after quitting

Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease risk of death is reduced after you quit Lung cancer risk drops by as much as half 10 years after quitting

Ulcer risk drops after quitting

Bladder cancer risk is halved a few years after quitting

Peripheral artery disease goes down after quitting

Cervical cancer risk is reduced a few years after quitting

Low birth weight baby risk drops to normal if you quit before pregnancy or during your first trimester the benefits of quitting

---

$5 bucks sirloin steak..... had outing lastnight with a bunch of friends. we hit down to the casino just for the cheap dinner!! cant believe it its dirt cheap with good service.... better still its my 1st time down at the casino. B won $60bucks that night, playing sumthing like wheel of fortune cum russian roulette kinda thingy. seems interesting, i would like to put some money into it too afterwards...... lucky i dint. Its the devils game, once your in, your hooked!! haha thats what happend to the girls; they cant keep their hands off the pokie machines!! but anyway, i was there just for the chips and steak. after dinner... kensen wanted to order 1pound of hot chicken wings, and he tried to make his order...... the chinese waitress was rude and he put him off straight! hahaha it was funny to see him pissed.....

Funny equation

Thank you to the people in my life
For putting up with me
And thank you for the time you sacrificed
All on account of me

For all the times I didn't say
The times I didn't say
For all the times I didn't say
The times I didn't say

Fuck you to the jaded and the fake
I'd like to see what you would do
Fuck you with the judgements that you make
We're not all perfect just like you
Like you
Like you

For all the times I didn't say
The times I didn't say
For all the times I didn't say
The times I didn't say

Thank you to the people in my life
For putting up with me

Actually i wanted to share my thoughts and scan some of the interesting chapter of the books that i've been reading .... haha but i keep on procrastinating! arghhhh
Got home quite early today.... met some of my old friends which i've havent seen them of a long time. they came over to borrow some books from my uni library, had lunch with them.

Anyway, nothing much happend, kensen(singaporean kiasu fella,jk) came over to my place and we played some music........ jammed.

working again tonight!!! arghhh!! so many things to do.... haihh. kensen and philp persuaded me to stay back.... haihh....... i dont even know am i making the right choices. i will keep on moving with my plans!! graduate baru cakap!! hehehe

coffee addict?

Lets talk about coffee!! 7 reasons for you to quit this vile addiction....
im addicted to coffee!! arghhhhhhhhh......... thats why i get moody and depressed all the time!!hehehe...okay here is the reasons why you should quit!

• Caffeine Sensitivity
• Weight Loss
• Health Crisis
• Pregnancy & Nursing
• Aging & Stress
• Sleep & Mood Disturbance
• The Pursuit of Optimal Health

caffeine effects on health!! arghhh~~

Goal setting

Setting goals in your life is vital! keeping you motivated and achieve things that you want! "everything is possible, its only a question of strategy"

"One who has never loved has never lived. One hour of true love is worth an age of dully living on." (C.M chen)


i woke up around 9.30am this morning and like usual... was thinking about jas. i missed her.......never would want to hurt her or make her sad in any ways. So i did some research on the internet and been reading articles about love, what a women wants and things like that. i come across this interesting article which you would want to have a look at "how to keep love in marriage" its worth a read no matter what religion are you. =>

this morning, i had a golden kiwi fruit and cornflakes for breakfast with the computer infront of me .... the 1st thing that came to my mind was "lets have a look at jasmine's blog!!" its been like this ever since i fallen deeply in love with her! Everything is jasmine jasmine jasmine........non stop 24/7 haha!
The "your in love" symptoms!!

My test is round the corner......... yayy! looking forward to it! have to study hard, i must!!

after all dreams are free!!

Wish that we had a chance to go traveling around........ 10 places that i'd wish to go with this fella:

10.Bora bora island
9.Port hills
8.Queens town
7.Dunedin
6.kaikoura
5.hamner springs
4. Melbourne
3.sydney
2.pangkor island
1.penang
0.redang

hehheh.... hey jas, lets plan to go somewhere in the future ok?? hehe save some $$ then save some time for a holiday. lets hope that small fart is free when im back..... haha

Don't Phunk With My Heart

Don't Phunk With My Heart
by Black Eyed Peas

Album : Monkey Business (2005)

No, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart
(Yeah)
No, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)
I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)

Girl, you know you got me, got me
With your pistol shot me, shot me
And I'm here helplessly
In love and nothing can stop me
You can't stop me cause once I start it
Can't return me cause once you bought it
I'm coming baby, don’t got it (don’t make me wait)
So let’s be about it

No, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

Baby, have some trustin', trustin'
When I come in lustin', lustin'
Cause I bring you that comfort
I ain’t only here cause I want ya body
I want your mind too
Interestin’s what I find you
And I'm interested in the long haul
Come on girl (yee-haw)

(come on)

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)
I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby)

No, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

Girl, you had me, once you kissed me
My love for you is not iffy
I always want you with me
I'll play Bobby and you’ll play Whitney
If you smoke, I'll smoke too
That’s how much I'm in love with you
Crazy is what crazy do
Crazy in love, I'm a crazy fool

No, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart

Why are you so insecure
When you got passion and love her
You always claimin’ I'm a cheater
Think I'd up and go leave ya
For another señorita
You forgot that I need ya
You must’ve caught amnesia
That’s why you don’t believe

(uh, yeah, check it out)

Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby
Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing, baby
Cause you know you got me by a string, baby

Baby girl, you make me feel
You know you make me feel so real
I love you more than sex appeal
(Cause you’re)
That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl [6x]

[overlapping]
No, no, no, don’t phunk with my heart [2x]
That-tha, that tha, that-tha, that girl [2x]

I wonder if I take you home
Would you still be in love, baby (in love, baby) [4x]

Don’t you worry ‘bout a thang, baby
Cause you know you got me by a strang, baby
Don’t you worry ‘bout a thang, baby
Cause you know you got me by a strang, baby

Pointless nostalgia 2

Continued....................Went through the gates after collecting my boarding pass, there were not much people around, just immigration officers lingering around the place mostly. I saw few uniformed police officers around talking and standing at corners. i was trying to figure out where was terminal C4, i actually have to take a train to that terminal. i still have plenty of time then, so i decided to have a look around. dutyfree shops selling tobbaco and alcohol were everywhere!!! it was a heaven for smokers and alcoholics.....shops were filled with all sorts of alcoholic beverages and they got all the brands for tobbaco A-Z. i eventually got myself a carton, coz i know im going to need it. the place inside was just like any other shopping malls only selling stuff at a higher price.

The train was going at top speed, travelling from one end to the other end within minutes. with my skateboard on one hand and a bag on my back i walk down to locate the terminal that i was suspposed to be. There was only me at the terminal when i sat down...... suddenly my phone rang.... it was jas! we talked like we normally did....joked, laughed, and tell how much we already missed each other. i walked out from the terminal and describe how it looks like in here since, she has never been there before. she was about to leave KLIA and we had to say our goodbyes...

She was on the way back to my house where she left her car, i called my parents and before that..... my mom got lost and everyone is looking for her!!! my dad was pissed!!hahaha....anyway, my dad was complaining to me when i called him and it was kind of funny.... i wish i did not went in that early~! i called jas again on the public phone when she was on the way back to get her car, then i called again while she was driving back home!!

(just cant get enough of her, i miss her ever since.......)

Pointless nostalgia

A blast into the past ........ the last day, last hour and my last chance to be with her. The missing entry that did not went into my journal....

It was 10am when i woke up that day(approx), my stuff was packed the day before.... but i wasnt ready to leave. i couldnt believe that it was time for me to leave her...i did what i must, i was supposed to leave on the 16th but it was brought forward a day.

My mother took a day off that day, just to spend a little more time with me. My parents are usually busy with their work and i dont get much time to talk to them . Usually, whenever they are back home it will be kind of late, and they are tired. My dad was collecting my flight ticks and he was busy with his work.......he went out early. Bobby (the potato couch) watches his cartoon every morning while waiting for his bus to come, was kinda sad ( or pretending to be sad) hahaha i think he's so happy that he doesnt have to share the room with me anymore and he can have the aircon on 24/7 without me nagging him about the electricity bills.....haha.
I called Jas around 1.30pm i think.... checking on her. she was having classes that day and i told her that im leaving around 4pm or so,and its okay if she couldnt make it....but she was determined to use her super driving skill to reach my house in time; and so she did(with her so-called "ferrari"!!!) haha! She is a very good "safe" driver, even though sometimes she hits the curb hahaha!! p/s:(Buy insurance before you enter her car...) Jasmine has shown me some of her car stunts when i was with her ("yihshin look, no hands!!!") hahahaha!!! she arrived early at my place, we talked and gave our last sweet affection...........

My dad was home, my sis was back........ and it was time for me to leave everyone that i cherished, loved and cared. im leaving on the jet plane........! I met my uncle and aunty at

KLIA , my cousins was flying to New Zealand too the very same day. They pass me the house keys since im arriving early....! my flight was at 6pm..... still have got 2 hours to wait, we then went down to Ronald mcdonalds "the smart clown" it was such a rip off having lunch there!!! the food was extremely expensive.....Burger Ramly at Tmn desa is much better than MCD!!! hahaha.......

the hour has cometh!!! i was at the edge of time...... hugged my family members and last huggies from jasmine. then i went away.......

TO BE CONTINUED............

reason for breathing

The harder I try to break away, the more I get lost in yesterday
The man that you know is just a shell, living without your life is hell"

I turn on the radio just to take the hurt away
Another night and I'm missing you

I don't wanna go clubbing, I got no one to dance with me
I don't wanna go shopping, I got no one to spend my money on
Spending my time with one glass of wine
Playing solitaire just to ease my mind
Poured one for you, but I drank that too
Anything to kill the pain of losing you

              "*~ I Never Really Knew You ~*^" +
            "*~ You Where Just Another Friend ~*^" +
            "*~ But When I Got To Knew You ~*^" +
            "*~ I Had To Let My Heart Unbend ~*^" +
            "*~ I Had To Forget My First Love ~*^" +
            "*~ And Give Love Another Try ~*^" +         
            "*~ So I've Fallen In Love With You ~*^"+
            "*~ And I'll Never Let You Go ~*^"+
            "*~ I Love You More Than Anyone ~*^" +
            "*~ I Just Had To Let You Know ~*^" +
            "*~ And If You Ever Wonder Why ~*^" +
            "*~ I Might Not Know What I'll Say ~*^" +
            "*~ But I'll Never Stop Loving You ~*^" +
            "*~ Each And Every Day ~*^" +
            "*~ My Feelings For You Will Never Change ~*^" +
            "*~ Just Know My Feelings Are True ~*^" +
            "*~ And Just Remember One Thing... ~*^" +
            "*~ I Really Do Love You! ~*^" +

Bullcrap

i feel like something has died inside of me..... i was not born a perfect person, no one is, mistakes is what we do, to grow.
i know what is right and wrong.... but certainly doing all the right things isnt always right, how would you know if its right if you havent done something that might screw up your life??
Emotions is what drives our motivation and actions through out life.

When you really love someone, and the other person doubts it...... what do you do?? i tried to give love unconditionally.........and now im fading away.

Surviving the wait

How to survive a long distance relationship? i would certainly wouldnt want mine to end a painful death.

so here it is....... i copied and paste.

Surviving The Wait
Ways to keep your sanity before you meet...
by Jennifer Good

Anyone in an online relationship will tell you the same thing; the worst thing to handle is the distance and the waiting. The thoughts going through your head are enough to drive anyone crazy. A person in an online relationship can be worrying about anything and everything from looking okay to adjusting to a new city or country. So, how do you handle the little nagging thoughts in your head or the loneliness you feel at night?

1. A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words
Surrounding yourself, and your partner's living space with pictures of each other is a great way to feel each other's presence. Don't just give each other the one or two token pictures. It isn't enough to give each other a good reality of who the other person is. Constantly take pictures of yourselves in different settings. Every time you meet, take pictures of you both together. You'll want to videotape yourself as well. It is a great way for your partner to see the live you whenever they want.

2. Leave Doubt Out, Plan Your Itinerary Together
A great way to bide the time while you're waiting to see each other is to plan the itinerary for your next visit. Research together online the local city guides and relevant tourist attraction web sites. Not only will this help take away the question of what to do, it will help add even more excitement and anticipation towards your visit.

3. Get In Touch With Their Life
Take the time to get in touch with whom your online love really is. Learning about their home and their history is a great way to accomplish this. Take turns revealing something about your past or somewhere you like to go. Use local city guides to find pictures of your favorite places to go and show them to your online love.

4. Start A Countdown Ritual
Each time you are about to meet in person, start some type of countdown ritual. It could be something as simple as telling each other how many days are left each day. Or, you could send a daily e-mail with how many days that are left. It is fun to look forward to something, and it helps assure you that it really is going to happen.

5. Surround Them With You
Sight is a wonderful sense, but it isn't fulfilling enough on its own. Assault your online love's senses with other reminders of you. When you meet you won't feel as foreign to each other if you've already smelled their cologne or perfume. They'll know your likes and dislikes if you share your favorite music, movies and food. Your partner will know your mannerisms already if you've exchanged videotapes or make use of a web cam. When people in real life are dating they have more than just a communication exchange to recall. Giving your partner a chance to recall other senses helps make you feel entirely more real to them.

Remember to make your time apart an opportunity to fulfill some personal goals and dreams that aren't always as easy to do once you're living with someone. Surround yourself with friends and family when you're feeling down. And, when all else fails, know that true love really is worth the wait.

55 things to do instead of sex

Here’s a quick list of fun ideas to jumpstart your evenings and weekends. Grab a friend or two and...

1. Go on a picnic with friends
2. Bake cookies
3. Play on the monkey bars at the park
4. Go out to eat
5. Slide down a grass hill on a block of ice
6. Go horseback riding
7. Go roller blading
8. Do something kind for a needy person
9. Go bowling
10. Try making a new recipe

11. Throw a 70’s party
12. Get your friends and go on a video scavenger hunt
13. Wash each other’s car
14. Go people watching at the mall
15. Explore an interesting part of your town
16. Get some culture and go to a symphony or ballet

17. Ride bikes in the park
18. Go to a deli and order something you’ve never tasted
19. Dedicate a song on the radio
20. Write each other poems

21. Volunteer at soup kitchen
22. Go to a museum
23. Ride a carousel
24. Get a group together for volleyball
25. Take a walk together
26. Plan a mystery dinner for friends
27. Go to church together
28. Dress up and go to McDonald’s
29. Get friends and play board games
30. Send a funny card

31. Learn how to swing dance
32. Join a coed softball team
33. Jump on a trampoline
34. Look at travel books and find places you would like to go
35. Chop up things in the blender and make “food-art”
36. Read a book and discuss it
37. Do homework together
38. Audition for parts in a school play
39. Have breakfast at sunrise
40. Hide love notes where the other will find them

41. Spend an evening with each other’s families
42. Choose a special song
43. Do a craft project
44. Take a fun class at your community college together
45. Have a candlelight dinner with another couple
46. Search for “treasures” in second hand stores
47. Volunteer at a crisis nursery
48. Send candy or flowers
49. Have a campfire
50. Tie die T-shirts

51. Rescue a puppy or kitty from the pound
52. Take a car full of kids to the drive-in movie
53. Blow up balloons and stuff a friends car
54. Have a canned whipped cream fight outside
55. “Kidnap” a friend at 6:00 a.m. and go out to breakfast

http://littlelifepmc.org/sex_instead_of.htm

i came across some articles which is kinda interesting(for me) in regards about relationships & sex.

a Doubt....

You think you know
It is fun to be in my shoes,
You think you know
All the things I have been thru,

You have no idea being a reject in this world,
If there is a way that I can eject like a pilot,knows what is coming,
My failures is higher than the mountains,
Low self-esteem is like a tumor inside,

It grows exponentially, like knowledge,
Bringing ourselves up again whenever we fall,
Shaving blade used to stand on the edge of my wrist,
Wishing someone would call,

Hang on

Hang On

Well now I found myself
Wish I was someone else
My hands are stained with love
Wish I could take it away
I hid behind the shell
In time the pain will melt
My hands are stained with love
Wish I could fake it

I gave my life away
There’s nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way

You take it in your way

My selfish enemy
Still has the best of me
Empty and feeling numb
Wish I could take it away
I can’t control the need
To weak to not concede
Wish I was deaf and dumb
Wish I could fake it

I gave my life away
There’s nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way

I gave my life away
There’s nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way

I can’t pretend we’re the same
I can’t pretend we’re the same
I can’t pretend we’re the same

Oh now I found myself
Wish I was someone else
My hands are stained with love
Wish I could FAKE

I gave my life away
There’s nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way

I gave my life away
There’s nothing left to say
I gave my life away
You take it in your way

You take it in your way [4x]

The Free Bum addict

Every single day, i have to talk to this free bum here! cant get enough of this person here! what can i say??? since i met her, i spend most of my life here on MSN!! Arghhhhh....... she can really make you laugh till your teeths falls off.

Been talking to her yesterday night till 4.45am (my time). after that i went straight to bed and sleep like a log!! woke up today around 12pm arghhh!! there goes my day!! half of it is gone.....hehe but it doesnt really matter anyway, if i were in malaysia that would be a waste. cant afford to waste my time there..... coz during my last visit it was a very short period, i was meant to come back 1 month earlier but i was dedicated to my work ($$) as i needed some $$ to spend while im back. that was the time then......

What is the main (daily) goal in life?? Happiness (simple) Are you happy now?? im not sure myself....... what makes you think that your happy? how do you define that simple term? arghh........ questions that doesnt have a point!!!

Death seems like an easy way out...

Sometimes when things are so hard. whenever you think about life, its so hard to live in this world. death sure looks like a way to get out of this world. you studied so hard just to get a piece of paper that state your capable of doing certain things in which you have gain certain knowledged/skills.

Yet i dont really know what do i want to do with my life. life is full of choices, but dammit i aint choosing 'hope' this time!! i wish to quit sometimes, but i know i cant.......... comes what may, but i aint quitting!! "in company, people quit, in life, people quit"(Trump.D 2005) . suddenly, my life seems like hell! HELL YEAH!! hahaha To hell with books after this semester!

"DO or DO NOT, There is no TRY!!" (yoda)

"All mine!!" this gollum! look at her, holding all her precious! hahahaha. 

BLowing my Budget

Shit i think im over spending!! i spend 20bucks on a dvd yesterday, 20 bucks again on renting 6 dvd for the week! thats 40 bucks gone in entertainment! dammit.... haha overspending! the holidays are coming to and end! new sem is starting soon! arghh! just wish that i could just get the fuck out of here and go home after my finals.

Murtabak man!! the fella happy only when i asked weather i could take his picture!! ahah! the fella showed his murtabak skill in turning! this was taken when i was back in Malaysia. i went back to taiping(the place where i grew up)the bazaar sell lots of weird cheap stuff from china! eventually i bought 1 piece of chicken murtabak from this guy!!!  

unwell

i woke up yesterday feeling like sh*t, 10.49am cousin blasted her radio to max! woke the hell out of me..... went to work at 3.00pm, the weather is hell freezing cold! 25/6/05 slept at 5.00am in the morning! talked to jasmine for awhile.... nothing much to update about tho. these day i've no idea why(maybe i do) she seemed like a changed person to me.

not feeling well today..... it must be the coffee that im taking to keep myself awake everynight just to be online or just be sitting infront waiting here. damn.... i need to get mylife back!! maybe if there is golfing again...i might just spend my time at the driving range or just spend my time at wammo radio station. sometimes things are just hard and your living in your dreams........ but they do keep me happy when im feeling down.

And i give up forever to touch you....

Loving jas is the greatest thing that suddenly fall before me in my life. I feel like i've won a million dollar and i thought i was in heaven whenever shes with me. The amount of happiness that she brought to me is immense and unmeasureable even though the time that we spend together was short and it passed by really fast. In a blink of an eye, jasmine was no long with me..........

i left Malaysia in such an hurry that i dont even have time to kiss her goodbye.....that day.

Jediknight2 : outcast

Finally, finished this game after 3 days! arghh! thats around 10-20 hours of playing! Fuiii...... now i've learn the force! Who has never seen star wars?? this is the greatest movie of all times! there are so many sci-fi movies i've seen, but i'll give the old starwars trilogy 10/10 for their time. Hope there will be more star wars nexttime.
going to work in an hour time......hope that it will be fun, at least im getting paid and something to do instead of just sit infront of the computer for long hours! ahh.........5 years ago, i spend most of my life sitting infront of the pc playing computer games and MIRC and now....... i spend most of my time reading nonsense and still playing games! when will i grow up?? ahaha ......i sud be using this piece of incredible technology for something more productive! ok, yeah i do.... usually for my assignments!

hope this will be my final year! i wanna go home............ why??? isnt nz much better place to live in?? there are pro and cons........ life is easy here, but nothing much to look forward to. make life very boring indeed. the cold weather is a killer! Brrr.......theres much to say tho..... but still i hope that everything will go smoothly as i've planned.

Revenge

Wielding my lightsaber on the streets and slicing anything that moves. Since i got my starwars jedi knight2: outcast , i cant stop playing it! what a sweet revenge.... to slice my enemies to porkchop. shit....... im stuck at level 4 or five i think, with no where to go and so im here.... bored. i hurt myself the other day and i dont sleep well these days.... i think i need to go to a chiropractor. im still 20 and i my body feels like 80! arghhh! ohh well....

The nights are lonely and the days are so sad
And i just keep thinking about the love that we had And im missing you,nobody knows it but me. 

Welcome to sunway pyramid! the place to be if you've got no money! Window shopping and enjoy the aircond! Pheeww.... its hot in malaysia!! "isnt it, jas?? i bet you'd agree! " ahaha... look its Guardian pharmacy behind the promo area!! hahha ;-) 

Nando's! the lousiest restaurant i have ever been to! i would say, even kopi tiams or just any ordinary hawker stall by road is even better!! the food is alright just the attitude of the people working there. waited 30mins for them to come over to take our order! Another 45mins for them to serve our meals! arghhh valentines day..... im hungryyy!!hahah at least i got someone special to fill my tummy with laughter! "my funny valentine" 

The candy Bar!! the smell of caramel popcorn always makes me wanna go buy 1!! its a rip off tho..... tgv has a nice decoration but its service is not that good.  

the cinema at sunway pyramid, there were ten cinema! and its huge! i would say!! we passed by the tenth cinema after watching constantine on 14 february 2005. around 8.30pm 

These are the days

All I wanted is to be by your side,
To hold you by my arms when you cry,
I want to be the one you call,
To catch you When you fall,
To walk with you by the shores

Even though I cant feel you,
I hunger for your love,
All I want to know is how you feel about me, girl
Hear the truth not blinded love,

I remember the time when we are together,
Wish that it last forever…
Even we only talked a short while,
Brings my dull day into worthwhile,
Hope its not another dream that I have.

Tell me if you fell for me,
Tell me if you will call me,
I will hang on and wait for you,
You’re a lifeline to me

It’s all just a dream.

Only a dream.

Wish i was....

Coffee on the table, smokes by the side
Soft breeze going thru ur hair,
relax and ease your chair,
Breathing in warm air

Its summer time by the beach,
Feeling happy with worries free,
Going 2thousand miles away from the city,
Out to the sunny beach.

At home, tv and pc
12 hours a day,7 days a week
feeling bored and weak,

the pain of doing nothing,
wish I was.
On a summer time on the beach,
Feeling happy with worries free,

Going 2thousand miles away from the city,
Out to the sunny beach.

composed:yihshin
cool jazz: brightday

"Hmm? what movie shall we watch lehh?shall we go for....."

It was our 1st valentine....... that was a long time back. those were the greatest time i'd ever had. Missed her so much...
Constantine..... we watch during valentines. It was around 6pm in the evening when we got our ticks........

what i really wish, is that i could have another chance to decide on certain things i would really wanted. if only i have one wish.......

Haven got much of a day today, it seems very short when you woke up in the afternoon....you dont get much of a things done. haha.... what is there for me to do? PLenty! ha... alrite.... what am i doing here in in my blog? thinking of putting something irrelavant of course! OK!! Muahaha!
Yesterday night went really well...... im lovin it!

Sober

whyyyyyyy? sometimes, you know why but your just in denial! ahaha! that goes to you jasmine!! ok, back to my story! hehe! AHeem! addiction to the internet is just like addiction to any drugs, emailing and texting makes you dopier than smoking dope(its in the papers, from current research in the uk or something)

these couple of days, its just sad! can someone just answer me "what is your purpose of life?" "your here but you just dont have a goal in life?" do you feel that sometimes? what would you do if you know, nothing will get into your way to success!! what would you do? hehe am i posting to much questions here ? damnnn....... im just kinda bored! at least i downloaded some movies to entertain myself... sounds like a pirate Ayy?? hahah the beauty of cyberspace!

"Sitting, Waiting, Wishing"

Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool
And in loving somebody don't make them love you

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing the fool?

I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you
And maybe you been through this before
But its my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you

I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool
I keep playing your cards
But its not my scene
Wont this plot not twist?
I have no place to read?
Keep building me up, then shooting me down
Well im already down
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting
Just wait a minute
Just sitting waiting

Well if I was in your position
Id put down all my ammunition
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long
But Lord knows that I'm not you
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do

Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing the fool?
No I cant always be waiting waiting on you
I cant always be playing playing your fool, foool

Sith Happens!

Revenge of the sith :starwars final episode! Finally after waiting for 4 years! been a star wars fan since i was small, and finally my question or so called mystery has been revealed! "how can luke skywalker's father be darth vader", "why does lukes father wears a scary mask?" haha! all the question is being answered in the third episode! thanks to Mr. Lucas!! went to Hoyts cinemas yesterday, ALone again!!! went there at 5.30 thought the movie is starting at that time..... but i got the time wrong!!! scwered up! at least i had my dinner at MCs and KFC! 4 bucks for a dinner! hehe gotta save $$ now adays! kinda hard to earn........ :)

SHit happens!

Dammit! i just lost 25% for ERST101 :prespective on the environment! application for fucking extension has been rejected!! this is what the fulla say! "

Yihshin,

I am aware that this is a difficult time
for many students,
myself included. However, there are many important
considerations
that relate to my decision about your request for an
 extension.

A key concern is that by giving you an extension,
I will affect the
remaining time you have for other assignments and for exam
preparation, and that your attendance
in the last, but perhaps most
important, weekof lectures will drop.

Further, you were given this assignment 3
weeks into the semester,
and so I feel there has been adequete time
to address components,
particularly given that 1, 2, 3 & 6 relate to the 1st half
of the semester.

In addition, assignment 3 is designed to prepare
you for theexamination, and provide feedback that will
enable you to prioritise
study for the subject. If an extension is granted,
this opportunity is
severly at risk as there is no guarantee that it
will be marked in time to enable this.

For these reasons, I am NOT prepared to give
you an extension and a
late penalty will apply."
(a polite way to say "your screwed fucker!")
i dont think im able to hand in.

Amour~

As they said "Distance makes the heart fonder", it surely does, but it kills too. Tearing you apart from the inside, killing you softly with the poison called "without you"(Ohne dich).

3months is like 30 years of hell..............times you like it goes away too fast, times you hate it all ways seems to last! How true is your love? Are you willing to hold on till the last breath? the world has definately changed! looking back at my grandparents, they have been together for more than 50 years! they have been through hell during the japanese occupation in Malaysia.......! But now adays loyalty seems to be just a word that meant nothing.

Sex, is just like sports in the western countries, trying top the score. This disease is growing and making its way around the globe, nothing can stop this trend. Making love no longer has its original quality and

uniqueness.

Unconditional love doesnt just happen, it takes a lot of practice. Compassion is unconditional love.....till now it is still a mystery among people, they may heard of it but the real meaning is vague and shallow.

Aim less life...

Ever wonder what is your purpose of being a human? We study and keep studying harder everyday but we dont really know what we wanted to do or be in the future. People are just doing things because everyone does it. as for me, im just like one of them..... if you dont have your own goals, you'll fall into other peoples plan and they will plan it for you(eg: parents) . ASk yourself what do you really want, if you know there is no limitation of what you want to achieve?

Been listening to Trivium these days, a pinch of classic rock with metal. this band is one angry mutha fu*kers ! Great stuff....... but its not for everyone.

Metal to start the day with:

1. Trivium-rain
2. kill switch engage-my last serenade
   
3. Mudvayne- happy
   
4. system of a down - chop suey
   
5. chimaira - severed
   
6. disturbed - a welcome burden (dracula 2000 soundtrack)
   

Jazz when your feeling moody or morning coffee at the balcony(if you got one):

1. Stan getz
2. chet baker
3. jamie cullum

jasmine in a saloon! hehehe......hope she doesnt see this!! MUahahah!!  

Raining cats and dogs since lastnight, it fucking cold today and im lazy to set up the fireplace, would rather freeze in the cold. TEst is just 24 hours away and im here blogging, wtf!! hope i dont fail it, to be honest with myself, i think i would make it 50%?? yeahhh! hehehe, typical malaysian guys attitude--------> last minute work and gamble on the multi choice questions!

Its MOthers day today!! (in NZ), i dont usually remember important date, especially birthdates!! My Dad just reminded me of it!!! during the days when i was still living with my parents, i would make cards and draw pictures on mothers day but now.... i cant even remember when it is! what a shame! shame on me.... i can live with that.

yesterday, my gf asked me a question which is kinda hard to answer....... "what would you do if you know we wont be seeing each other till im 24??" what can i do? what do you think i should do? all i do is buy more time and try to dig my way home. hehe......... but in reality there's nothing much that one could do. One could take the easy way out, keep the happy memories and go on with life or one could hold on and make things more interesting without being there physically? Am i delusioned, ignorant and selfish? "love is blind" would give up everything just for it without thinking twice.....

Haha, this is funny..... i got this emailed to me ages ago, didnt realise its in my pc.  

Broken River..... its very steep and kinda slippery!  

castle hill basin:broken river 

Visitors

Past few days my uncles and aunt came over from m'sia, the house is now fully packed and im forced out to sleep in the hall. I dont mind sleeping in the hall or in the kitchen, but i dont get much rest due to the early birds that always wake up and make lots of noise. i dont blog much these days, and im not sure what to write about too... what is there to write about if there's nothing much interesting happend in your life?? i used to surf alot to much interesting websites, but now i cant offer much....... haha. maybe i could???? go to the side bar and click on the "links" to read other peoples journal. i was looking for tagboards and zonkboards the other day.......... and tried to add it into my blog but i just couldnt arrgh and mostly you need to pay for it after 7 days trial. till kitty susggest that i use chatterbox which works, but you need to register for it........i came across that the other day, but i thought that is just a scam like the others (registered into many others tag boxes but it wouldnt give me the HTML).

i wonder if anyone is reading this blog?? Hmmm...... plz raise up your hand if your reading!! you could put your hand down after that and put in a comment or two or just put in few words into the "chatter box" on the side bar!
if anyone would like to post their blog up, dont hesitate to post me your blog URL or whatever it is! :)

The Gaia hypothesis: A scienctific theory?

Gaia Hypothesis is a step to becoming a scientific theory

Author: Yih Shin, Ker (BEM)

The name Gaia is the name of an ancient Greek earth goddess. This goddess was at once gentle, feminine, and nurturing, but also ruthlessly cruel to any who failed to live in harmony with the planet. This name was then used appropriately for the new hypothesis, which appear in the late 1960s. What exactly is the Gaia hypothesis? As James Lovelock defined it “a complex entity involving the Earth's biosphere, atmosphere, oceans, and soil; the totality constituting a feedback or cybernetic system which seeks an optimal physical and chemical environment for life on this planet.” (Lovelock, J 1974) in simpler terms, biological responses tend to regulate the state of the Earth's environment in their favor. Many scientists criticize the Gaia hypothesis for being Teleology, a belief that all things have a predetermined purpose. We will discuss whether Gaia hypothesis qualifies as a scientific theory, the structure of a scientific theory and the brief history of the Gaia hypothesis.

In the early 1960’s James Lovelock was invited by NASA to participate in the scientific research for evidence of life in mars. This led him to think about what is life, how can life be detected. “The earth is bounded on the outside by space with which it exchanges energy and sunlight coming in and heat matter going out.” (Lovelock, 1991). He decided that the general characteristic of life was that it takes in energy and matter and discard waste products. All living things exhibit low entropy; therefore he could detect the atmosphere in Mars and show evidence that the planet is dead. Mars atmosphere like Venus consist of 95% carbon dioxide, with some oxygen and no methane. Comparing these planets, Earth was 77% nitrogen, 21%oxygen and methane. As a result Planet Mars was proven to be chemically dead. “The Earth's atmosphere was an extraordinary and unstable mixture of gases, yet I knew that it was constant in composition over quite long periods of time. Could it be that life on Earth not only made the atmosphere, but also regulated it - keeping it at a constant composition, and at a level favorable for organisms?" (Lovelock, J. 1991) Lovelock suggested that the life on earth interacts to regulate its internal environment to maintain a stable condition on earth, which the system is called the homeostatic feedback. This system operates unconsciously by the biota, controlling or stabilizing the earth global temperatures. James Lovelock explains the basic principles of control theory by using the iron in a thermostat that is used to act like a kind of thermometer “a metallic strip that is straight when cold, bends into a curve when heated, the sharpness of the curve increases as the temperature rises.” (Lovelock, J 1991) when the iron heats up, the strip bends with one end of it separates and pulls away the electrical contact until it cools down again. This is a simple example of self-regulating system that James Lovelock trying to explain. “A control system automatically regulates a condition such as temperature through a series of connected functions.” (Lovelock, J 1991) this also applies to living organism and the earth itself. The earth regulates itself to maintain favorable living conditions for living organism.

With ideas of the earth regulating its self, some took that idea to say the earth was acting with a sense of purpose, which is being a Teleology being. Teleology (from the Greek word teleos) declares that there is a purpose behind the mechanism of nature. However this was not what he meant. He stated that “Neither Lynn Margulis nor I have ever proposed that planetary self-regulation is purposeful ... Yet we have met persistent, almost dogmatic, criticism that our hypothesis is teleological.” (Lovelocks, J1991)

Criticism by Richard Dawkins and Ford Doolittle states that there is no way that the diverse living organisms of the earth could act in to their mutual advantages to regulate the whole planet. “There is no way that the diverse living organisms of the earth could act in symbiosis to regulate the planetary environment. Evolution by Natural Selection, they say, would always been in favour of the genes.” (Lovelock, J 1991). These criticisms made James Lovelock realized that he had been thinking intuitively instead of rationally about Gaia and the need of proper explanations to this hypothesis was lacking. In 1983 Lovelock created a scientific model that he calls it “daisy world”. Daisy world is a simple computer model planet, which grew only two species of organisms, dark and light coloured daisies. “Imagine that, just like the sun, Daisyworld ‘s star warms up as it evolves. Would the evolution of the Daisyworld ecosystem lead to the self-regulation of climate?” (Lovelock, J 1991). The Daisyworld model demonstrates the principle of self-regulation and also the answers to criticism by biologist. This simple experiment proves to scientist that Gaia can regulate without consciousness being involved. The science of Daisyworld planet is not difficult to comprehend, light daisies tend to reflect light, which cooling effect takes place, while dark ones absorb heat, and as a result the planet is warmed. Lovelock used real dynamics of real daisy growth in his model; therefore the growth of these daisies on the Daisyworld depends on the natural death rate of the daisies, space that is available, temperature that suits the growth of daisy and the present population. The planet revolves around a sun, from which it absorbs energy at a rate, which depends on the sun's shine and it also emit heat out to space. The redwood tree analogy where James Lovelock considers it one of the most helpful analogies used for explaining the Gaia hypothesis. In 1985 James Lovelock met American physicist, Jerome Rothstien at a meeting hosted by the Audubon Society. The meeting was called “Is the Earth a Living Organism?”. Rothstien proposed that the redwood tree is the closest to Gaia. Sequoia gigantea or else known as the redwood tree, they stand in groves on the west coast of America, the oldest tree that was calculated from it annular rings was 3000 years old. “Extraordinary thing about each of these trees is that more than 97per cent is dead. The wood that is the solid spire is dead, the thick bark around the tree is dead. The only live part is a thin circumferential layer of living cells that enfolds the wood and lies beneath the bark.” (Lovelock, J 1991) Another tiny fraction of life that is on the tree is the leaves, the flowers and the seeds. Gaia is made up of a massive amount of dead matter with a tiny fraction of living organisms beneath the thin layer of atmosphere, thus the red wood tree is similar to Gaia. The thin circumferential skin living cell also known as cambium keeps the tree alive and growing, earth act the similar way which is made up of living organisms. Living organisms on earth produces nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, methane and most of the gases in the air except for 1 per cent of xenon, neon argon, krypton and helium. “Like the bark, which is grown for the protection and sustenance of the living cells of the tree, the air has grown in composition so that it always sustain a favourable climate and a favourable chemical environment for life.” (Lovelock, J 1991)

“The difference between a scientific theory and an idea of philosophy or a religion is that a scientific theory can be tested”(Sherlock .R). A scientific theory is a generally accepted explanation of a scientific concept. It began as a hypothesis or an educated guess. Then experiments are carried out, failures, successes and breakthrough made the concepts developed, new understanding expand and the theory then is now a field of study. The term hypothesis is defined as a provisional theory that has not yet been tested. The Gaia Hypothesis based its concepts on science where Lovelock explains this theory by using the Daisyworld model experiment and not only that; it is used to prove to other scientist regarding the existence of feedback mechanisms. The experiment also shows that it was possible the control of the worldwide biomass could take place without awareness being involved. Using just that model experiment Lovelock still unable to declare that the Gaia Hypothesis is now a scientific theory but on its development on becoming a stronger set of theory. Does the Gaia hypothesis qualifies as a scientific theory? “Lovelock and Margulis's understanding of Gaia are considered valid scientific theories, and are now a part of biology proper.”(Wikipedia, 2004) the hypothesis they considered as a valid scientific theory from a different point of view. The hypothesis had led to the new science called biogeography or even geophysiology. This is a study of the interactions between the biota, the atmosphere and the oceans. Gaia hypothesis is appropriate to describe as a scientific theory in different point of view and different aspects of study.

The search for life in mars influenced James Lovelock to define life in a different point of view. The Gaia Hypothesis was born in the late 1960’s, Gaia a term that James Lovelock used to described planet earth, regulates itself to maintain suitable conditions for life unconsciously. Daisyworld planet mathematical model created by James Lovelock is used to refute criticism and explaining the hypothesis. Gaia Hypothesis based on the scientific concepts and is widely accepted by the scientific community. The Gaia hypothesis qualifies as a scientific theory in the study of geo-physiology and different point of aspect of study.