Story with a Moral

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an

assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories:

"Johnny do you have a story to share?"

Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Nancy. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a small flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then her parachute landed right in the middle of twenty enemy troops.

She shot fifteen of them with the gun until she ran out of bullets, Killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher. "What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from this horrible story?"

"Stay the Fuck Away from Aunt Nancy when she's drinking."

How to get on and influence people

How to get on and influence people

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 127%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and

Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the BullshiT

and Ass kissing that will get you to the top!

A lesson for us ALL

Radio contest

Radio Contest A Cork Radio Station (in Ireland), was running a competition to find
contestants who could come up with words that were not found in any
English dictionary yet could still use these words in a sentence that
would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali for a week. The
DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two standing out:

DJ: 96FM, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, my name's Dave.
DJ: Dave, what's your word?
Caller: Goan, spelt G O A N, pronounced "go-an".
DJ: We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct, Dave, Goan
is certainly a word not found in the English dictionary. Now the next
question, for a trip to Bali, is, what sentence can you use that in
that would make logical sense?
Caller: Goan fuck yourself!

At this point the DJ cuts the caller short and announces that there is
no place for that sort of language on a family show. After many more
unsuccessful calls the DJ takes the following caller:

DJ: 96FM, what's your name?
Caller: Hi, my name's Jeff.
DJ: Jeff, what's your word?
Caller: Smee, spelt S M E E, pronounced "smee".
DJ: We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct, Jeff, Smee
is certainly a word not found in the English dictionary. Now the next
question, for a trip to Bali, is, what sentence can you use that in
that would make logical sense?
Caller: Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!

2nd day of work...... Lepaking the whole day.
at least i managed to go out with mike, and drove all the way down to old klang road to meet a client. arghhhhhh... cold calling needs to be done tomoro... Brrrrrr, its giving me the chills already.